Recently, I watched the movie BrideWars with my husband. The story centers around two friends, one a meek and polite teacher, the other a brash and cunning attorney. The entire beginning of the movie is dedicated to showing how great of friends they are, and how their entire lives they have shared an obsession with all things wedding. It was a trademark chick-flick that was boring the hell out of my husband until, both women became engaged within days of one another. As soon as the bridal spotlight was split, the antics began. Pranks, evil plans and hurtful words began to spew from the once sisterly friends, and I have to say, I stopped laughing.
Why do weddings do this to us? What is sooo important about that one day, that women who have been friends for years, are willing to verbally and emotionally attack one another? What is the big deal?
A wedding day is like a showcase. It is the one day where women are told that whatever they want, is theirs. They are queen for the day and they know it. It is the day where they are shown off to the world as the chosen one, the princess who has been found by her prince and everyone else is to recognize the importance and validity of it. Whether she wants to be showcased or not, and that is where the pressure comes in.
It would seem that women who “go bridal”, do so because they want to, or that they are arrogant, but I’m here to speak for the other side. There is a lot of pressure to become the perfect bride, to have the most original theme, or to have the most perfect dress and all of these things can cause panic. Add to this, the site of another bride who seemingly has an endless budget, a supportive cast of characters, and an overall calm outlook and you can just about wrap it up.
Don’t Make Unrealistic Comparisons
There is no way in hell that you are going to have the same wedding as let’s say, Toni Braxton. Cut it out, quit fooling yourself. What you can do, through sites such as ours, is learn how to economically create some similarities. Getting a case of the big eyes when watching wedding show after wedding show, or reading blog after blog about celebrity weddings, is understandable, but should be left at that. Turn the television off when you need to and only take away from it what you know is possible to accomplish. There is no sense in beating yourself up about things that were impossible for you to achieve anyway.
Make No Apologies for your Vision
I had so many ideas in the beginning of my plans, many of which were stumped as soon as I said them by bridal party members or my own mother. At the time, I pouted, complained about them not being supportive, etc. But as I look back, who’s fault was that? If I wanted something, I should have made it happen. Just as awful as it is for brides to be overzealous ‘zilla’s, it is equally as disheartening to see a bride who has no backbone for what she wants to achieve but is willing to mope and complain about not having what she wants. Get what you want. Find a way or make one.
Don’t Be a Jerk
Just because things are going swimmingly for you, don’t forget that other brides may not be having as great a time. While it is understandable to be happy about your upcoming day, its okay to help out another bride with support, advice or just a friendly ear. If you see someone struggling to achieve a vision that you also have, don’t hoard, try and help her achieve it. You won’t have the same guest list, so what difference does it make if she’s doing something you want to do as well?
Your Day is YOUR day
Who cares that she had doves released at the exact same moment as you are planning to? On your day, her wedding is of no concern. Feel free to engage in any activities, theme accents or ideas that you have, regardless of who has had them “first”. In wedding planning, there is no original idea. Everything has been done before, so take the pressure off of yourself, and keep your eyes on your own paper. Remember that your wedding is about you and your husband, not the color of the dresses, or the music that played on your first dance. Relish in the love that is being shown by you and your beloved, and in the family you are creating together. When the music stops, and the last petal is swept from the aisle, that’s all that was important anyway.
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